DECOLLATE

Stooped on a barstool, Elena first laid eyes on Lacey.

She would come to learn that they had retreated to alcohol that night for similar reasons- Lacey being fresh off her first depressive episode of the semester, and Elena having spent her day beheading mice in the campus laboratory. This was a “necessary scientific evil” according to her mental gymnastics- but clearly she felt the need to numb her shame.

Elena's hands were incredibly dry from the harsh sanitizer they had been doused in all afternoon. As she sipped her rum and diet, she chewed at the fraying edges of her fingernails. Ripping and picking, she wasn't sure what she was searching for under her skin- only that it was infectious and had to be removed forcefully. In her mind's eye, she envisioned a small rodent burrowing inside her. The creature tore through sinew and offal, hopelessly fleeing from the violent fate of its brothers. The tang of alcohol lingering on her tongue stung her bloody pinky, but she did not give in. The thing must be obliterated.

It was at that moment that she noticed Lacey. Building the courage to place her order, the timid woman was trembling under the weight of social interaction. Though logically she knew the bartender would not punish her for daring to patronize his establishment- the mere possibility of an awkward conversation sent bolts of lightning through her nervous system. She had the habit of twisting her fingers roughly as she thought, and Elena couldn't help but wonder if her hand was also sore.

“Rum and diet?” Lacey’s order jolted from her mouth, and her cheeks flamed with embarrassment as the bartender got to work.

“Me too,” chirped a clear voice from just one stool down. It was hard to hear Elena’s comment over the buzz of a Friday night, and Lacey was not one to assume another person would notice her.

“Hey, me too,” Elena repeated, gesturing to her dewy glass- finally catching her target's ear. “Rum and diet.”

Lacey willed the blush on her face to dissipate and placed a few dollars on the counter after receiving her dark, syrupy beverage. “Oh, yep. My favorite.” She took the seat next to Elena somewhat uneasily. There was a short silence, before Lacey released a small laugh.

“What’s funny?” Elena sought earnestly.

“It’s dumb, but this isn’t my favorite. I don’t know why I ordered it, I got nervous I guess.”

Elena shot a sharp burst of air from her nostrils. The kind of exclamation you make when something is just a little amusing. Lacey inched closer.

And that is where things got fuzzy. On one hand, it is easy to believe that in a spinning dream of intoxication, anxiety, and that irrational desire one can feel for a stranger- the details were lost in the mix. On the other, it is baffling how such an unmemorable conversation led to two insecure women swapping spit in a bathroom.

Four (or seven) drinks in- Lacey was not willing to pee alone, so Elena joined her in a cramped stall. The generic music from the bar was blurry and oppressive, pumping energy into their loose bodies. Lacey flushed, and stood clumsily as Elena was swallowed by her deep, watery brown eyes.

The enraptured woman studied Lacey as the toilet drained, imagining a sterilized guillotine falling seamlessly through her neck. She pictured herself with expert reaction time- catching Lacey’s pale, decapitated skull before it had the chance to drop to the floor. Elena cherished the thought of that bloody visage for as long as she could, before getting the overwhelming urge to scourge the red stains from her hands.

Instead, however, she lurched forward- taking Lacey’s face in her palms as if her fantasy had come true. After only the briefest hesitation, the women met roughly at the lips; First kissing sloppily before learning their rhythm. Though this was unlike her, Lacey was unheld by shame. She embraced the other woman totally, as if the privacy of this moment guaranteed her safety. The music was silenced, salvia became love, and their intimate union was sacrosanct.

Most blissfully of all- Elena was not haunted by any terrified, gentle thing.

The mouse lept out from inside her, and bounded freely across the sticky floor.